Archive for the ‘Vancouver Sucks’ Category

The NW Division Norris Nominees

April 6, 2010 3 comments

The next part of our ongoing NW award series is the Norris trophy.  This trophy, named in honor of a manipulative horrible team owner back in the day is given every year to the best defenseman, since they have so much in common.  Here are the nominees, remember, red ones are mine and blue ones are Justin’s.  For voting this time, I’m putting in a poll (and I’ll add one to the Jack Adams post too).

1. Mark Giordano, Calgary Flames

Arik: Justin wanted to put J-Bow out there for the Flames, but some of his nominations in both this and other categories will overrule mine, and here mine overrules his. Because I’m right. Giordano may not eat up minutes like Bouwmeester does, but he’s been hitting good numbers lately, and unlike Bouwmeester actually seems to be a driving force in the game. He gets pretty cushy ice time, but he takes advantage of it too. Plus- Italian!

2. Christian Erhoff, Vancouver Canucks

Justin: Who the hell else was I gonna put here? Willie Mitchell? The only things that guy is good at are getting cut with skates and KO’d by Iggy. Back to Erhoff-dude’s had a pretty good offensive season, with 43 points and 42 penalty minutes in 79 games.

3. Brent Burns, Minnesota Wild

Justin: Yeah, he’s hurt a ton, but when he is healthy, he is a quality defender who sees the other team’s best players regularly. He also is able to play on the PP, although his stats don’t exactly show it. However, he’s the best D-man Minnesota has, and I’m much too lazy to look up actual advanced stats like Arik. Also, he played for Canada in 2008 at the World Championships, and he was named the tournament’s best defenseman. 18 points in 45 games this year, and he kinda looks like a horse.

4. The Kyles (Cumiskey and Quincey), Colorado Avalanche

Arik: Both guys have been unsung Colorado heroes this year. Quincey, because he plays some of the hardest competition on the Avs while only 42% of the draws he’s on the ice for are in the offensive zone, and Cumiskey because he’s the only d-man playing more from defensive draws than offensive ones that has a positive relative corsi. He also is a little bit jobbed by the bounces, unlike every other Avalanche player not named Paul Stastny, with an on ice SV% of .907.

5. Sheldon Souray, Edmonton Oilers

Arik: Our only unanimous choice here (and I almost threw my weight behind Aaron Johnson), Souray’s season will best be remembered by breaking his hand right before the trade deadline, causing much hilarity. I feel like that’s a fitting metaphor for the Oiler’s season.

Justin: Don’t forget: breaking that hand led to an infection, which ended his season and thus his trade value was zero! So now Edmonton has to live with the 5 Million they paid him for at least another season. So, I guess the Flames trading for Staios was, like, an apology for Jarome pwning him. It all makes sense now!

Now that you’ve been informed, forget that information and vote below!


4th Line Blog Award Nominees

April 5, 2010 2 comments

It’s that time of year when everyone is making their award winner predictions. Obviously some awards need no prediction, like most points or most goals. But most are subjective, and we’re making our Northwest Nominee Picks today.

Now, to answer a simple question: why the Northwest? Well, doing just the Flames would be boring and a little depressing. Doing the NHL as a whole is overwhelming and overdone. So we’ll stick with who we know (and in the case of 4/5 teams, hate). What’s the format here? Justin and I are each picking a nominee from every team for every trophy. For the most part, that means there will be 5 nominees for each trophy, however if we differ on some, then there will be more. The picks made by just me will be in red, and the picks by just Justin will be in blue.

We’ll have one set of picks a day, with a little snark for each nominee (and the trophy itself).  Today we’ll start with the Jack Adams trophy nominees. Obviously, all nominees are unanimous.

1. Brent Sutter, Calgary Flames

Arik: Aaaahahahaha.  Ha.  I think Pat Quinn is a better nominee this year.  Hell, Wayne Gretzky last year would make a better pick, because at least he’s never started Toskala in a must-win situation. Or put out the 4th line after the other time iced the puck while we were down a goal with a minute left.

Justin: Wait, Brent has been putting out the fourth line on icings? Why was I not informed? He does realize that by definition the fourth line is the worst one, right? I would like to point out I nominated Dave Lowry for this award over Sutter. (ed. note: I didn’t actually read his nominations for Jack Adams, I just kinda assumed they were the 5 head coaches. You can vote for Lowry if you want.)

2. Joe Sacco, Colorado Avalanche

Arik: Wasn’t the kid that did the Herb Brooks impression named Sacco as well? Whatever.

Justin: He was, and I don’t understand how that kid did that. My sister is 4 and has the attention span of a hummingbird. Oh, yeah, awards. Um, he played Craig Anderson a lot? Good for him!

3. Alan Vin-something-french-ish, Vancouver Canucks

Arik: I’m pretty sure Alan is the most Canadian name in the world. Besides Robin. Also, this guy named his goalie captain. What kind of BS is that?

Justin: I thought his name was Alien? That would explain the absolutely insane opinions and viewpoints he has. Yeah, buddy. Calgary won in 04 on a bad call. The guy was bleeding, you moron.

4. Pat Quinn, Edmonton Oilers

Arik: You know what blew my mind when looking up Pat Quinn? He’s a former Flames captain. Granted, it was in the Atlanta days, but STILL. CRAZY. Also, I don’t think he’s even trying. Just look at his team. Would you try with that group?

Justin: Nope. However, I have no idea why Eberle isn’t playing with the big club yet. If that’s Quinn’s call, he screwed up pretty big. The kid needs experience before he leaves Edmonton after his contract expires.

5. Todd Richards, Minnesota Wild

Arik: I don’t think anyone has paid Mr. Richards a speck of attention this year after being sort of a wtf hire in the offseason. It’s like, the Wild let their best offensive player go then think, hey, maybe we should play an offensive style. With a guy who’s never been an NHL coach before.  Weird year.

Justin: To be fair, they did go out and sign the greasiest player in the league, one Martin Havlat. He then decided to shower in celebration and all of his production went out the window. 54 points and a -17? Good for him and his 5 million!

And those, folks, are your nominees for the 2010 Jack Adams. So how is the winner picked? You vote! Simply post your vote in the comments section, either anonymously or not- your call- and we’ll count it. Also, if you are a lady and voting, you must email Justin your votes with your phone number for…verification. (I love you Justin.)

Vancouver Still Sucks!

April 2, 2010 1 comment

I really want to bring to light the excellent work our friend (ed: Justin is using the word “our” in the sense the Queen of Canada- you guys have a Queen, right?- uses the word “our”. It’s the royal “our”)(ed 2: Yep, still the actual leader of the country, although it’s more symbolic than anything. did a couple of days ago. It seems a fan from Vancouver, the douchebag-hipster capital of Canada, thinks that the Flames and their fans suck. Well, I would like to take another opportunity to spew hate at those assholes, and add a couple of points on to DB’s argument:

1. You have two of the most universally hated players in the game.

No one commands as much respect as Ryan Kesler (ed: screw you he’s an upstanding American hero among the likes of George Washington, Ulysses Grant, and Will Smith in Wild Wild West)(ed 2: I like most Americans. He’s still an asshole.)  and Alex Burrows do. Real class act, stand-up guys. They only play dirty, whine more than my 4-year-old sister, and fake injury on a regular basis (ed: quick correction, in 5 NHL seasons Kesler has only missed 2 games)(ed 2: he still fakes injury a ton.)

Check out this video:

The thing that pisses me off the most about them? They refuse to be accountable for their actions. They run and hide behind pylons like Rick Rypien and Darcy Hordichuk (ed: SCREW THOSE GUYS AMIRIGHT ) (ed 2: YA UR RIGHT) who collectively have less brain cells then the average embryo.

Read more…