Well, that happened

April 4, 2010 3 comments

I am much too tired due to the tryptophan vessel that is turkey to write something proper about the loss to the Blackhawks, so have a laugh at my expense instead of thinking about the 3rd last nail in the coffin.

(editor’s note: In an effort to SOMEHOW relate this to the Flames, I will be trying to force this into a metaphor for…something. The playoffs? Yeah. Sure. My comments will be in red italics like this.)

Yesterday, while driving to work (this is clearly an allegory for the offseason and preseason), I decide to pull over to the local watering hole (Starbucks) (Didn’t Dion have his SUV get stolen at a Starbucks? Not relevant, just…yeah.) and order my 2nd favorite beverage (this is like signing Bouwmeester instead of Cammi). While ordering, a cute girl (OMG, right?) tells me that she also likes that drink (Much like other GMs liking J-Bow and forcing us to trade Leopold and pay an outrageous amount). Now, most of the time I am scared shitless to talk to members of the opposite sex, so in most situations like this I would give a nervous laugh and never think of it again. However, I was feeling especially brave due to the new tires I just had installed on my vehicular device (there’s 800 bucks down the drain. Thankfully, it wasn’t my money. Awesome early birthday present, if I do say so myself) (Daz spends other people’s money too!) and decided to take the drink-liking into a deeper conversation. We eventually got two stools at those weird bar things with the lights that hang about a foot from the surface, and proceeded to talk (Not the point, but I thought you were on your way to work). This conversation included many things, like the Flames flag I had on my car, my little sister (symbolizing the Abbotsford Heat), and annoying siblings (every underachieving Flames prospect ever). I did eventually have to get to work, so I figured that this girl had taken enough of an interest in me to warrant me asking if she would like to continue the converation some other time. So I told her I had to go to work, and I asked for her number (obviously a date is the playoffs.  Or is sex the playoffs? No- that’s the Cup). What happened next was rather unexpected (JUST LIKE THE TORONTO TRADE!).

She laughed at me (I feel the post-season laughing at me everyday in my heart).

I know, right? WTF? The last thing she said before leaving was that she had no interest in guys like me (sad trombone). What, you don’t want to go out with a fat kid who writes on the internet (hey, men who write on the internet are considered very sexy in some cultures. Mostly that’s because they have enough money for the Internet period. Oh right- Flames)? What is wrong with you?

Now that I think about it, asking for her number without knowing her name was probably a bad idea (much like trading for Kotalik without realizing he sucks and has been scratched a ton this year by the RANGERS FOR CHRISSAKE for good reasons).

Anyways, have a happy Easter (if you celebrate it). (I think the same problem applies to both the Flames and poor Justin: a lack of scoring. BAM. Also I know the pain.)

Categories: I look like a moron

Hey Darryl! Hey- Darryl! Darrrryyylll!

April 4, 2010 Leave a comment

Yeah, Darryl- screw you and your crappy trades.

Also, the playoff chase continues tomorrow against the goaltendingless Blackhawks. Be prepared to be completely dominated by their skaters but ride the percentages anyways.

Also, next week see the 4th Line Blog nominees for NW division trophy winners.

WOOOOOOOOOO

WOOOOOOOOOO

Categories: I look like a moron

Vancouver Still Sucks!

April 2, 2010 1 comment

I really want to bring to light the excellent work our friend (ed: Justin is using the word “our” in the sense the Queen of Canada- you guys have a Queen, right?- uses the word “our”. It’s the royal “our”)(ed 2: Yep, still the actual leader of the country, although it’s more symbolic than anything. DomeBeers.com did a couple of days ago. It seems a fan from Vancouver, the douchebag-hipster capital of Canada, thinks that the Flames and their fans suck. Well, I would like to take another opportunity to spew hate at those assholes, and add a couple of points on to DB’s argument:

1. You have two of the most universally hated players in the game.

No one commands as much respect as Ryan Kesler (ed: screw you he’s an upstanding American hero among the likes of George Washington, Ulysses Grant, and Will Smith in Wild Wild West)(ed 2: I like most Americans. He’s still an asshole.)  and Alex Burrows do. Real class act, stand-up guys. They only play dirty, whine more than my 4-year-old sister, and fake injury on a regular basis (ed: quick correction, in 5 NHL seasons Kesler has only missed 2 games)(ed 2: he still fakes injury a ton.)

Check out this video:

The thing that pisses me off the most about them? They refuse to be accountable for their actions. They run and hide behind pylons like Rick Rypien and Darcy Hordichuk (ed: SCREW THOSE GUYS AMIRIGHT ) (ed 2: YA UR RIGHT) who collectively have less brain cells then the average embryo.

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Can You Ever Truly Know Someone?

April 1, 2010 1 comment

Justin- I’m on to you. Sabotagin’ us Flames fans.

Categories: I look like a moron

Introducing… the Kris Chucko Award

March 31, 2010 3 comments

So I started writing a prospect update, then Hayley had to steal my thunder with a solid post over at M&G.  So instead of an update, I’ll give out an award (named for the single greatest prospect in Flames history who is still a prospect to this day) to the best Flames prospect this year.  The conditions: they must be in a North American junior league or the NCAA.  Chances are I’ll make this a yearly thing, so here’s a look at the runners up.

Ryan Howse

Ryan Howse is not a big guy.  In fact, he’s my height (5’11”) with only 20 more pounds than me. This is not a bad thing however.  He’s fast, a strong skater, and has good hands to go with it.  This year he scored 47 goals with 25 assists, good for a spread of 47-25-72.  Those 47 goals tied him for 3rd in the WHL with Matt Calvert and Cody Eakin.  And he didn’t let up in the playoffs either, going 5-1-6 before his team was eliminated in 6 games.

Pretty fantastic, right?  The only thing making me a little cautious is SH%, or rather, lack of knowledge of it. 47 goals is pretty high for only 25 assists, at least in junior, but his previous year’s stats are a similar differential at 31-13-44, suggesting a Mike Bossy type player: goals and not much else. Still, 47 goals is nothing to sneeze at, and given the lack of legitimate offensive players on the Heat next year, look for him to be playing top minutes on the Heat.  Provided, of course, that Sutter is no longer in charge or at least no longer intent on suffocating youth.

Gaelan Patterson

Originally he was hardly a sexy prospect (though he has a badass name- Gaelan), Patterson was selected in the 7th round, 201st overall.  Despite that, his production on the Saskatoon Blades this year has been a lovely surprise like coming home and finding a tea party.  Sure, there’s no beer or taquitos, but there’s ladies there and crumpets are kinda tasty, so why complain?

At 6-0 and 204lbs, he’s not huge, but big enough and likely to still grow (random fact: men continue growing until they’re 29 or so) a little bit. I doubt he’ll ever become an NHL first liner, since his stats have held steady at 22-35-57 last year and 26-33-59 this year. But he could becoime a DVG type player, and he did had a rock solid +31 last year next to a +21 this year. Wait, you mean that’s not way out of line on his team and is pretty average?  Well, I’m still pretty happy with how this deep deep pick has developed, and you should be too.

Greg Nemisz

Bluntly put: pretty stats on a loaded team.  Did anyone watch him at the WJC? His Jagr Metric (a measurement of floating ability) was off the charts. On a team that scored 35 goals in that tournament he did nothing.  I hope he’ll develop, but right now I’m not so high on him.

The Kris Chucko Trophy

And your Kris Chucko Prospect of Stupendousness Award Winner is…

Mitch Wahl

The kid has hockey smarts, work ethic, and in this particular photo a face that looks like it should come with “Made In Taiwan” imprinted on the backside.

Future “Ken Doll, Hockey Player” model? Perhaps

Still, the guy has been putting up points this year, to the tune of 30-66-96 in 72 games, good for 7th in the WHL.  He also doesn’t vanish in big game situations, unlike a prospect I’ll take a look at later.  He’s rocking a 2-4-6 spread in 6 playoff games this year, with the 7th tonight.  Often times this is while playing against the other team’s best players.  Wahl has a very complete game for his age, and while I doubt he’ll make the big club next year, in what is likely his first as a pro, him getting the occasional call-up, in addition to a good long look in camp, would not surprise me.

Provided he doesn’t take a step back, he’ll make the Flames in 2-3 years.


Categories: Award Season!

A Brief Look at NTC’s/NMC’s

March 30, 2010 4 comments

A lot of talk around the Saddlesphere the past couple days has revolved around Jarome Iginla. Trades, captaincy, all of that good stuff. (In the interest of disclosure, Iggy has always been my favorite player and I will defend him to the death.) This then brought on a FanPost on Matchsticks and Gasoline from LawrenceS on trading Iggy. While it’s fun to debate about this stuff, the reality is that he has a large contract, which limits the amount of teams he can play for, and a NMC, which pretty much ensures he isn’t going anywhere. Rarely do players actually waive a NMC/NTC, especially when said player does not want to leave. With that, let’s look the Flames’ players with NTC’s and NMC’s:

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